The Bouchonchamp: A 19th Century New England Classic (by Chet)

When I was in the 6th grade, I read a book that was out of place; if you've ever read a Nazi book not clearly labeled, you may have done the same, if you're transexual (a movement beaten so brutally badly, it happens on its own).

I read "The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark", in the 6th grade, when I was 11, by Carl Sagan. A Stalinist book.

By the 12th grade, the entire town was Stalinist Calvinist, and Dell computing was approaching EMC, the central headquarters in town, for a merger.

My stepmother, married just to kill me, attempted to turn me into a prostitute, by inducing a proxy manager of money, through my father, by temporarily turning him gay, by being unfamiliar as a woman and not wearing socks, before purging with Lava soap after I went to freshman year of college, with a chastity device on my father for a day, to straighten him back out, to hide the evidence.

At college, I hazed a lawyer room mate from Cape Verde, gay, for about five minutes, by sleep walking into him on an automnemonic, drunk, then grabbing his ass, and returning to bed, asleep by the time he woke up. This induced psychopathic megalomania in me, without a trace, turning me into Karl Marx.

Upon return from freshman first semester (3.1 GPA, Resource Economics AFROTC duty in France, rear to Rammstein Airbase, selected as cadet, by impressed politicians at Hopkinton's recovery), they noticed that I was Karl Marx, not a prostitute, and arranged a five hour liquor delivery tour, with police waiting at home, to arrest me, for pedophile porn ("Slim" magazine), on New Years, the worst day in the year for lockup. However, I challenged the driver, of the liquor truck, I was temping for, to a 13 hour shift, fatal for him, and by the time I got home, police had left, discerning the ruse. The guilt of the driver's death, was placed on drinking; I had ordered 'meatball sub, no sauce', for dinner, compared to his 'roast beef' sub.

At this point, they called in my stepsister, an undercover informant, to make a rumor that I was against the Vietnam War. I had recently met the companionship, of a Vietnamese-Korean, a Jewish-Ainu blend, such as Ariel Sharon was, or Howard Hughes. I started up a narcotrafficking venture, placing a superb mathematical formula, in a poor mathematician's hands, with his new badge, the case of the communist penny; I had noticed, that George W. Bush, was a communist, the penny upside down on flip, not on turn, so I had no choice but to overturn the global pot market, flooding it with hookers, porn, pot, amphetamines, and heroin, within about two years, a so-called "drought"; actually, the drugs were going to police officers, to use, since the dealer, was a badge.

Upon this time, I had been converted to Islam, however outwitted it rapidly, within three hours, refusing to eat with the pimp converting me, instead drinking an entire 750mL of Leroux Peppermint Schnapps, then not eating before I slept, and eating bacon and citrus the next day, before completing class and walking into the pimp's dorm room, sitting, saying the Yiddish term for spy, "fags", then "white goys", before standing and leaving, no words between us, besides him gulping and long lining across his mouth, simultaneously; the Ayatollah, was now Jewish. The pimp, was already a Jew, before my ministrations.

I then took a custom drug, half of the stage patented by campus for Zyprexa, an anti-pusher drug, to resist prison rape, the other half of the stage a phobic, to imprint me against a frau's riddle. After completing my second semester of freshman year (3.2 GPA), I went home, however muscled and skinny and lanky and an inch taller, from hard jogging and power walking on red opium, for both semesters, plus the truck job.

I had arranged a job in advance, stymying my father's attempt to make me openly gay as his service technical manager, his factory foreman's job, and he promptly contacted a factory union, to draft me Mossad with a mob hit from the Army. After completing a "The Rhino" run, having arranged both a John Kerry radio joke, in 2004, the blockage of George W. Bush stepping down for Mike Huckabee to run through the Masons being kicked out of Cuba, in 2003, and having planted RomneyCare as prison, in 2002, I then sabotaged the election for George W. Bush to be sedated, with Dick Cheney running the country for four years in the upcoming election.

When the frau riddle, "you're the boss of everything", came through, I had already completed Buddhist and Ninjitsu meditation, hours of lotus position before puberty, and genuflect water drops potentially causing cardiac arrest alongside aneurysm if striking ground with knee in sauna room with cold water, in early puberty. It locked me into Karl Marx, permanently, with the rumor of Hitler created, by me writing misspelled Latin on my dorm room door, "Ferguzi", announcing myself as a vandal and saying it meant "homophobic homosexual", actually a prison slur for a spy, or a pet name, saying it all over the dorm, then faking a Hamas initiation, until joining through the end of the semester (a 3.0 GPA, even), by taking Abilify, for a cipher de-lock, of five levels, a Yellow Turban gene on my father's side (the high gene, not Saud or Llama).

Quietly, nobody suspected, that the cop on Ayatollah, hadn't defaced a KGB slave pilgrim sign for Israel with a Rael slur, and the INTERPOL Mossad job, was just a layover in Havana.